Shakespeare and Rain

So, the dissertation went in :) that's all good.

well. i hope it is.

im not sure as i haven't got the mark yet.

meh.

You know, you think you're so far on from where you were and then something happens that shuvs you right back.

Currently having the contraception debate with Adam. The current favourite is the implant and suprisingly i find that he knows quite a bit about it.

Of course he does.

Rachel has one.

Ridiculously, that matters. Should it matter that she has the same form of contraception am i am thinking of getting?

It shouldn't. But it does.

I read my blog, trawl through my emotions and feelings and suddenly i'm thinking of Jamie, i'm thinking of how i used to feel. And i send him ONE stupid text message. TELLING HIM. im telling him i'm reliving how he made me feel.

WHY.

i fall back to sleep. wake up mortified that i let myself slip so easily.

its like a drug. something you know is bad. you hate. you despise the person it made you. you vow never to do it again. then you get a whiff of it and you do one stupid thing.

eugh.

I wonder to myself will it ever leave?

In truth i think not. And not coz i love him, or that i;m secretly meant to be with him or any of that crappy shite.

That i allowed myself to feel something that wasn't real.

The high of the drug isn't a real feeling. you're not that happy. and your life is not that perfect. and it is not real.

The Emilys

I went out Wednesday with my two best friends in the entire world. Their both called Emily, so I name my time with them The Emilys.

Different in so many ways, they are both there to help, keep me grounded and restrain me from making stupid decisions.

One is quiet and more thoughtful, the other out and outspoken. I like to think I'm the middle scale and that's why we fit :)

We have rowed, fallen out, been stupid but never been closer than we are now.

One Emily has come out of a 12 month relationship, the other a 4 week one. I am the 'almost married' of the group.

When I see them, I love them more than I think, and without them I doubt I'd be the person I am today - the straight sensible part that is. The stupid loony part is not their fault. Well. Maybe a little...

:)
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Reading over

Reading over my blog it a weird feeling. Its like you know that its your life and these big events and thought are so massive...
But still it doesn't quite seem real.

Reading over always tends to make you think more, but I'm never sure that's a good idea.

Life at the minute is hectic. Dissertation, final year exams, PGCE stuff.
All stressy stuff!
And as a result my writing has turned into sent emails from the bed whilst being spooned by a sleeping Adam.

My current focus is... If I can just get a 2:1, then my life will be complete :)
Sounds silly, but that's the piece of the jigsaw I need to be able to see the bigger picture at the minute.


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Number of Absences this term: TOO MANY!

Really quick post, just to say that my dissertation and project and exasm for my final year are all looming with imcreasing speed so managing the blog as well is not happening.

But i will be picking it up again ASAP after uni has finished (4th June and counting!)

thanks