Shakespeare and Rain

So, the dissertation went in :) that's all good.

well. i hope it is.

im not sure as i haven't got the mark yet.

meh.

You know, you think you're so far on from where you were and then something happens that shuvs you right back.

Currently having the contraception debate with Adam. The current favourite is the implant and suprisingly i find that he knows quite a bit about it.

Of course he does.

Rachel has one.

Ridiculously, that matters. Should it matter that she has the same form of contraception am i am thinking of getting?

It shouldn't. But it does.

I read my blog, trawl through my emotions and feelings and suddenly i'm thinking of Jamie, i'm thinking of how i used to feel. And i send him ONE stupid text message. TELLING HIM. im telling him i'm reliving how he made me feel.

WHY.

i fall back to sleep. wake up mortified that i let myself slip so easily.

its like a drug. something you know is bad. you hate. you despise the person it made you. you vow never to do it again. then you get a whiff of it and you do one stupid thing.

eugh.

I wonder to myself will it ever leave?

In truth i think not. And not coz i love him, or that i;m secretly meant to be with him or any of that crappy shite.

That i allowed myself to feel something that wasn't real.

The high of the drug isn't a real feeling. you're not that happy. and your life is not that perfect. and it is not real.