Shakespeare and Rain

So, the dissertation went in :) that's all good.

well. i hope it is.

im not sure as i haven't got the mark yet.

meh.

You know, you think you're so far on from where you were and then something happens that shuvs you right back.

Currently having the contraception debate with Adam. The current favourite is the implant and suprisingly i find that he knows quite a bit about it.

Of course he does.

Rachel has one.

Ridiculously, that matters. Should it matter that she has the same form of contraception am i am thinking of getting?

It shouldn't. But it does.

I read my blog, trawl through my emotions and feelings and suddenly i'm thinking of Jamie, i'm thinking of how i used to feel. And i send him ONE stupid text message. TELLING HIM. im telling him i'm reliving how he made me feel.

WHY.

i fall back to sleep. wake up mortified that i let myself slip so easily.

its like a drug. something you know is bad. you hate. you despise the person it made you. you vow never to do it again. then you get a whiff of it and you do one stupid thing.

eugh.

I wonder to myself will it ever leave?

In truth i think not. And not coz i love him, or that i;m secretly meant to be with him or any of that crappy shite.

That i allowed myself to feel something that wasn't real.

The high of the drug isn't a real feeling. you're not that happy. and your life is not that perfect. and it is not real.

The Emilys

I went out Wednesday with my two best friends in the entire world. Their both called Emily, so I name my time with them The Emilys.

Different in so many ways, they are both there to help, keep me grounded and restrain me from making stupid decisions.

One is quiet and more thoughtful, the other out and outspoken. I like to think I'm the middle scale and that's why we fit :)

We have rowed, fallen out, been stupid but never been closer than we are now.

One Emily has come out of a 12 month relationship, the other a 4 week one. I am the 'almost married' of the group.

When I see them, I love them more than I think, and without them I doubt I'd be the person I am today - the straight sensible part that is. The stupid loony part is not their fault. Well. Maybe a little...

:)
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Reading over

Reading over my blog it a weird feeling. Its like you know that its your life and these big events and thought are so massive...
But still it doesn't quite seem real.

Reading over always tends to make you think more, but I'm never sure that's a good idea.

Life at the minute is hectic. Dissertation, final year exams, PGCE stuff.
All stressy stuff!
And as a result my writing has turned into sent emails from the bed whilst being spooned by a sleeping Adam.

My current focus is... If I can just get a 2:1, then my life will be complete :)
Sounds silly, but that's the piece of the jigsaw I need to be able to see the bigger picture at the minute.


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Number of Absences this term: TOO MANY!

Really quick post, just to say that my dissertation and project and exasm for my final year are all looming with imcreasing speed so managing the blog as well is not happening.

But i will be picking it up again ASAP after uni has finished (4th June and counting!)

thanks

Songs currently keeping me alive

Vampire Weekend - Cousins

LadyHawke - Delerium

General Fiasco - Ever so Shy

Bombay Bicycle club - Evening/Morning

Goldfrapp - Rocket

Groove Armada - Paper Romance

Really encourage you all to check a few out - think you'll be suprised! 

Guys and Porn - is it normal?

So, caught my boyfriend watching porn - well, not literally. But found pics on his pc and stuff. Basically its RudeTube (refuse to put links up!) and other such websites.

This has caused me to feel degraded and stuff, and I hurriedly ran (well texted) my two bestest friends for an ASAP reply to prevent me from going over the top - which can sometimes happen.

They both replies within minutes, something for which I am ever grateful for suggesting that its normal.

Yes, us women may not agree with it, and may think it's odd and weird, however it IS completely normal and I had no need to go mad.

So, i calmed myself down, told him he'd left something on the pc that I wasn't happy with and if he was going to do it again, can he please make sure that i'm not going to be confronted with it whilst trying to access my iTunes. 

He apologised and swiftly said it wouldn't happen again - me finding it, not him doing it. 

However, our sex has always been good, and i mean really always. I never think 

oh here we go again, do we have to, was that it?

Adam is an amazing lover, and he treats me with such respect, and yes we do have our rough nights and I enjoy this just as much.

And to be quite frank, the past three nights of love making have been more mind-blowing than usual...

Which leads me to pose this question:

Far from ruining my sex life, as I would of predicted, has porn encouraged Adam to be more in control and more active about initiating sex? 

Has porn helped my sex life?

Now I know that this is very dangerous ground, as in the porn industry there are many women exploited and used and I am in NO WAY suggesting that porn should be rolled out more. Also, i know that porn can be very destructive for a relationship. 

A man can become more interested in their favourite pornstar than their girlfriend/wife. 

But in my case, Adam explained that porn is something seperate from me. 

Right now, porn could be attributing my boyfriend increased interest in me. But I am wary that if his watching becomes more... I could face the opposite colour of the porn spectrum.

Can porn ever be completely seperate from your sex life i suppose is my question?

The Joseph Salmon Trust

This is a request for sponsorship for Ian Newbold, a fellow blogger in his sponsored walk along Hadrian's Wall for the Joseph Salmon Trust.

The trust has been set up by Rachel and Dan set the trust up specifically for giving parents a financial breather after the death of their child.

More details can be foun on Ian's Blog 'Single Parent Dad: Walking the Walk' and his sponsorship page can be found here.

For more info of the trust, please visit The Joseph Salmon Trust site

Thanks a lot guys.