after the fall

Well, I suppose for a while there I didn't think I'd ever blog again. When your actual life becomes so messed up with emotional trainwreck crap... You know, you just don't even think about it, when really... Its the best thing you could do.

Me and bf have got better. It sounds slightly sickening, but in someway I suppose its helped out relationship. We are both no longer on the 'everythings hunky dory and we live in bliss land' road... But more on the "we both fucked up and now we're trying to get over it and move on'.

So, we've actually never been better - and by better I mean real. Jamie suggested my relationship was fake and pathetic but I think that's the one thing it actually isn't? Real relationships can be crap, you are both human and now everythings been and gone, I think I do have a much more... Realistic view of my life.

Moving in together is the next step - its been talked about, financially discussed and blessings sought and granted from the relevant parents. This is all good.
Making a commitment like that is something which I know we cannot take lightly and some would (and probably will) suggest its 'all too soon' considering current events. But, its not happening till oct, and by then itll have been a year.

I don't think about him cheating all that often anymore. Like I hoped, its subsided and life carried on. The original shock and betrayal led me to examine myself - who am I to condemn him and ruin 4 otherwise very happy years simply coz my pride has been dented?

If I was to worry - it is that I have flashes of jamie. But I assume, like the hurt, the pain and the embarrassment, that too will subside.
I bloody hope so, coz it does do my head in.

I'm looking forward to blogging again more regularly actually. Cathartic isn't it?