But the crux of the matter is, when we row, i remind Adam of my mother. And he really hates my mother. Really.
Can he learn to love me in spite of that?
Or will he leave me because of it?
I'm not an idiot.
I'm smart, i'm happy, i'm cheery.
I'm not a complete dog... no supermodel, but i'll do.
I cook (ish), i make yummy fairy buns, and i write cute messages on them.
I love him more than anything.
Even when we row, and he never listens, or accuses me of being my mum, which hurts more than anything. She's the one person i'm trying to hard not to be.
But you can't help who your family is? And how you've been brought up?
I've tried to change, and i feel i have.
Not enough though, coz there's some part of my mum in me.
And though Adam hates it, do i really become this person that has nothing of their parents in them?
I may not agree with them, but they made me.
I become vindictive, horrible and he really hates me. Really.
Can you hate a person you love that much?
People say that hate and love are really close... but you can't ever feel the two for the same person.
Do i want to be with someone who I KNOW hates this one part of me and every time we have a row, it's going to brought up?
No is the answer.
Do i then change to become acceptable? When i've already changed so much?
No i think is also the answer.
Not coz i don't want to, but because i don't think i can.
Sink or Swim time.
It's too far along and i'm too tired of not being good enough.
I want a future with the love of my life.
But does he want one with me IN SPITE of my imperfections?
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