Reconciliation

Today I attempt to get things onto a civil level with my mum. Things haven't really been great for a while, and I haven't really been bothered coz i've had a lot on with uni work and stuff. However, now it's coming up to my 21st birthday and having talked it over with my sounding board (aka Adam lol), I feel i need to just make peace.

It's not that i believe i'm wrong, to be honest i know that i'm right, but i question whether knowing that i'm right and forfeiting a relationship with my mum is the correct path to take. Or trying to level things out and perhaps rationalise something with my mothers overactive mind has taken waaaay off course.

I think that right now i am coming to the point where I think 

"is it really worth it?" 

Does my moral high ground strecth that far that I am willing ot put all this extra effort into hating my mum rather than feeling nothing for her? Because apart from being completely unhealthy, its also got to be classed as a total waste of time and energy.

Knowing what my mum has said about me to my dad, my gran, her friends hurts. A lot. and Adam questions whether I can keep putting up with this hurt and nastiness and keep going back to her and telling her that its not her its me and that she's right and i'm wrong jsut so everything can be ok again. If it was up to him, 

"I'd just f**k her off and do without"

And at times I think he's right. But I also know that to me, that requires a lot more energy than the other alternative, which is to give in, explain whatever i'm supposed to have done wrong now, and go back ot living a normal non-hating-my-mother life.

She's just sooooo difficult at times! But I suppose mother-daughter relationships are stretched at the best of times. A lot of people tend to put this down to having similar personalities so as you gorw older, those personalities tend to clash more.